In early 2017 I realized that something had to change.
A lot of things as well as the way I dealt with them did not work out and eventually led to nothing. Work, ideas and projects were stuck, paralysed. My thoughts were clotted on slips of paper – I felt under pressure, I felt complicated – it was too much, manually out of reach.
I turned towards my drafts that I had been gathering for years in countless mp3s on my handheld recorder, my computers or on my mobile. All of them improvisations of moments that had been a priori – that I had experienced before. Before the utterance of a „now make it real“.
In this very moment something seemed to really work. It was uncomplicated. In the here there was something open, something that worked. A way in could be felt physically, I was into it, could listen to it, was involved, could feel movement and had to do nothing to do so. I needn’t create anything or had to acquire technical skills to move on. I was free and could play – to me this was full of meaning. In the here it was simple. In the here there was a piano, a microphone, often coffee and always cigarettes.
The music that evolved – pop music, intuitive, melancholic, like a soundtrack, like a song – was simple to define. But the quality of the playing from which that music arose was the thing that apparently mattered – and this became my first concern.
My second concern is to release these moments. I want to share them with other people – I want to release the things that evolved in that moments of sensation.
The release is not an easy step for me. But it is fertile. It is a self-analysis with old approaches. I can – I must get rid of those clots of paper – and I am just beginning to understand that I am allowed to do so. Something works out, slowly – but it works.